Modern children are simply too fat to lift, according to eagles.
After faked footage of an eagle attempting to carry off a child went viral, the birds commented that they wished this were still possible.
Golden eagle Roy Hobbs said: “These days you simply can’t get human infants off the ground. Honestly, the average toddler weighs more than a sheep. What the hell are you feeding them?”
For the gullible, not mentioning any names, this story is fake. We nicked it from The Daily Mash (a satirical website, here).